Love Marriage

I have this irrational fear that as the more time passes, I�ll begin to forget things my mom did, said, her gestures and how big her smile was. If it weren�t for saved voicemails, I believe I�d forgotten her soft but firm voice. It has become a bit of a ritual that every night before bed, I lay in bed and try to remember little things about my mom to keep her fresh and alive in my mind. Whenever my mom called me, she�d ask me, �How is my boy?� The boy she was referring to was Sean. Whenever I would ask my mom, �What�s up?� she would reply, �The sky�. My mom was such a great listener that when we spoke on the phone, I often thought that our call had dropped because she was so quiet. And when I would ask, �Hey mom, you there?� she would reply, �I�m here, just listening�. It wasn�t that she was quiet, it was that she was intently listening to everything you had to say. When I would gain weight, my mom would say, �You�ve been eating the junks�. And it always was with an �s� on purpose ...

This will be my second year without my mom on Mother�s Day. It is strange because before my mom passed away I never really gave much thought about how hard this occasion is for those without moms/dads. I cared but it was fleeting and not personal. Now, I know and I�m disappointed in myself that I didn�t take the time to really think about how hard this day is for so many people. Anytime I see the picture below I smile. Although my niece is crying for the balloon (give her the balloon Maryanna!) the joy in my mom's face means the world to me. She was truly happy. For weeks leading up to Mother�s Day, it is all in your face, a constant reminder. The commercials, Instagram, blog posts, etc. Everyone talking about their mom and each time my eyes tear up. It is a hard pill to swallow that you no longer have a mom and the weeks leading up to Mother's Day, you�re reminded of it daily. I�m not saying that I don�t want people to talk about Mother�s Day or their amazing mothers. ...

Three weekends ago, my parent�s church held a one year memorial service for my mom. I was not thrilled about it if I�m to be honest. It is like when a wound is not yet healed and you puncture it again. I just wasn�t ready. But in the end I decided that I would put my feelings aside and honor my mom once again. On our drive to the service, which was held in the Bronx, my sister texted us a picture of a literal heart in the sky. She said that my niece was saying, �There�s a heart in the sky� but she thought she was just using her imagination. My niece was adamant so she finally looked up and sure enough, there it was, a heart in the sky. She quickly took a picture and sent it to us. At the moment I received the text I was on the verge of tears. It is quite possible that at the exact moment we all needed something, anything, to put our hearts at ease. I truly believed that my mom was telling us to not have our hearts be so heavy. And for us to know that she was there comforting ...